Usually summer is a time of relaxation and rejuvenation for me.
This summer is isn't going to be either, I don't think. Mom's house needs to be cleaned out. Many of the items I have NO stinking clue what to do with. I have hauled out bags of trash and bagged up bags of clothing and linens. Now what do I do with the rest of her life? Most of it is not worth much, so who will want it? Some of the bigger pieces need to be sold...but again, how do I go about doing that? There isn't enough for an estate sale.
The list of things I have to do as executor is exhausting. I spent 2+ hours in Jacksonville running errands yesterday. Banks, insurance office, vet, lawyer, funeral home, etc. Then I spent another 3 hours at her house bagging up clothing and linens. It seems to be a never ending battle. I think many items will go to the garbage. I'm donating a lot to Goodwill/Salvation Army.
I'm thankful for my friends and cousins for helping me clean. Without them, I wouldn't be able to do it. It shows me who my real family is.
08 June 2011
26 May 2011
Don't feel sorry...
As you know, my mother recently passed away. It was tragic and quick...pretty much. The accident happened on Friday and she passed away on Sunday.
On Saturday night (10:30 or so), my husband called me to tell me that Red Cross would be calling me about getting a message to my younger brother Lucas in Afghanistan. Apparently, someone had given them Shane's number instead of mine. I was thankful for the 5 minute warning since I was on the edge of a very disturbed sleep.
The Red Cross needed a doctor's statement saying mom was in critical condition and may not live. As Medical Power of Attorney, I was the only one able to release that information to them. I seriously contemplated it for 10 minutes or so with the woman on the phone. My granddad and mom both said that, "He didn't give a damn about me when I was living, he won't give a damn when I'm dead."
And they were right. My brother came home from Afghanistan and was in the US on Thursday. Mom's service was on Friday. I haven't heard from him or seen him. He has most likely gone back to Afghanistan...but I didn't see him in the 10 days of leave I gave him. He did go to my uncle's funeral...I didn't, I couldn't handle another funeral. I guess that makes him the prodigal child for going to that one when I didn't.
I think what hurts me the most that I know my mom reached out to my brother and he didn't even reply. I found emails and facebooks messages. I have also found journals; those journals talk about wanting to take her own life because of the way her sons treated her. In her words, if it wasn't for her brother John and Sarah, I wouldn't be here anymore.
It's sad that my brother is so selfish that he hurt my mom so much. Yes, this is written in anger and hurt, but I
On Saturday night (10:30 or so), my husband called me to tell me that Red Cross would be calling me about getting a message to my younger brother Lucas in Afghanistan. Apparently, someone had given them Shane's number instead of mine. I was thankful for the 5 minute warning since I was on the edge of a very disturbed sleep.
The Red Cross needed a doctor's statement saying mom was in critical condition and may not live. As Medical Power of Attorney, I was the only one able to release that information to them. I seriously contemplated it for 10 minutes or so with the woman on the phone. My granddad and mom both said that, "He didn't give a damn about me when I was living, he won't give a damn when I'm dead."
And they were right. My brother came home from Afghanistan and was in the US on Thursday. Mom's service was on Friday. I haven't heard from him or seen him. He has most likely gone back to Afghanistan...but I didn't see him in the 10 days of leave I gave him. He did go to my uncle's funeral...I didn't, I couldn't handle another funeral. I guess that makes him the prodigal child for going to that one when I didn't.
I think what hurts me the most that I know my mom reached out to my brother and he didn't even reply. I found emails and facebooks messages. I have also found journals; those journals talk about wanting to take her own life because of the way her sons treated her. In her words, if it wasn't for her brother John and Sarah, I wouldn't be here anymore.
It's sad that my brother is so selfish that he hurt my mom so much. Yes, this is written in anger and hurt, but I
12 May 2011
Realization
I knew that when my parents divorced in 2005 my family would never be the same. I see how true that is now that my mom is gone. I did many things with and for my mom. Now that she isn't here any more, I am pretty sure my brothers and I will float even farther apart if that is at all possible.
When my parents divorced (because my dad had an extramarital affair), my brothers essentially sided with my dad; me, with my mom. Since that time, my relationship with my brothers has more than deteriorated. I talk to my younger brother every few years. My older brother not often at all. And I don't see that getting any better. If anything, it will get worse.
I sent my younger brother a Red Cross message to bring him home from active duty in Afghanistan. He did not show up at the memorial service for whatever reason...though he was in Jacksonville around that time (according to a couple of sources). I'm pretty angry about that. Once my mom told me that "he doesn't care about me when I am living, he won't give a damn when I am gone!" (Grandpa also told me this same statement.) I guess they were both right. I should have left his happy ass in Afghanistan and not released the information needed for him to come home for 10 days to not come to the memorial service no contact me in any way.
I am a vindictive hateful witch when prompted to do so. Anything that is in my mom's estate is staying there. I don't care who it belongs to, it stays. I'm burning pictures and whatever else I feel the need to dispose of. Pretty much, my brother is dead to me. I've written him off several times in the last few years, but this is/was the final straw. I'm done, he cannot hurt me anymore.
When my parents divorced (because my dad had an extramarital affair), my brothers essentially sided with my dad; me, with my mom. Since that time, my relationship with my brothers has more than deteriorated. I talk to my younger brother every few years. My older brother not often at all. And I don't see that getting any better. If anything, it will get worse.
I sent my younger brother a Red Cross message to bring him home from active duty in Afghanistan. He did not show up at the memorial service for whatever reason...though he was in Jacksonville around that time (according to a couple of sources). I'm pretty angry about that. Once my mom told me that "he doesn't care about me when I am living, he won't give a damn when I am gone!" (Grandpa also told me this same statement.) I guess they were both right. I should have left his happy ass in Afghanistan and not released the information needed for him to come home for 10 days to not come to the memorial service no contact me in any way.
I am a vindictive hateful witch when prompted to do so. Anything that is in my mom's estate is staying there. I don't care who it belongs to, it stays. I'm burning pictures and whatever else I feel the need to dispose of. Pretty much, my brother is dead to me. I've written him off several times in the last few years, but this is/was the final straw. I'm done, he cannot hurt me anymore.
24 April 2011
Spring is HERE!
We are all happy Spring is here. That means OUTSIDE time! When Shane was mowing for the first time, Wade was directing him...like an airplane. yes, those are corn cobs.
Wade had an Easter egg hunt at school. He was the only one who would go up to the bunny for a picture. It was quick, but a good one!
Finally, last Wedneday (4/20/11) we had one heck of a storm. We sat by the back sliding glass door and watched it rain and hail. No basement to sit in...and the hail wasn't that big. I love a good storm, and I want Wade to too! I don't want him to be afraid!
Wade had an Easter egg hunt at school. He was the only one who would go up to the bunny for a picture. It was quick, but a good one!
Finally, last Wedneday (4/20/11) we had one heck of a storm. We sat by the back sliding glass door and watched it rain and hail. No basement to sit in...and the hail wasn't that big. I love a good storm, and I want Wade to too! I don't want him to be afraid!
Easter Get-Away
Shane and I are pretty much homebodies. We like our own bed, or own house, our own little world. For Easter this year, we decided to make a journey to the Quad Cities for a couple of days to see my dad. When we first talked about this, I went in to research mode. I found a couple of adventures we could go on. The mighty Mississippi crested yesterday or today, so we got to see the flood waters on the rise.
We took off on Friday morning to take the mutt to my mom's. Visited with her a bit. Then to my mother in law's to visit her and have lunch. She had a knee replaced about 10 days ago, so we needed to check in on her anyway. Then the 3 hour drive to East Moline commenced. Wade was a trooper. We stayed in a hotel (smoke and cats are my nemesis). Wade got to swim with both Shane and I. He LOVES the water.
Saturday morning we took off for the zoo. The Niabi Zoo in Coal Valley, Illinois was a little treasure. Lions, tigers, elephants and the most beautiful giraffes! I'd never been so close to a giraffe! They are elegant and beautiful!
My dad went with us and explored with us. He and Wade got a close up look at a bald eagle. They are so regal.
We also went to the John Deere Pavilion in Moline. Wade got to climb on some tractors. We are red tractor folks, but it was an adventure. Also went to the World's Largest Truck Stop on I-80 in Wolcott, Iowa. That was fun too.
On the not so exciting side...I went to see my Uncle in hospice. He has congestive heart failure. He is emaciated. He was a bear of a man at well over 6 foot tall. Now he is shrunken and withering away. He was in advertising for John Deere in his hey day. Industrial Advertising...and I'm sure he was amazing. It's sad to see him fading away. He was very with it when I was there, which made me happy. That will not be my fondest memory of him, but it will be a good one to know he knew who I was and was happy to see me.
I also got to see my 97 year old grandmother. She isn't as spry as she used to be either. It was good to see her and chat a bit too.
We are all happy to be home in our environment!
We took off on Friday morning to take the mutt to my mom's. Visited with her a bit. Then to my mother in law's to visit her and have lunch. She had a knee replaced about 10 days ago, so we needed to check in on her anyway. Then the 3 hour drive to East Moline commenced. Wade was a trooper. We stayed in a hotel (smoke and cats are my nemesis). Wade got to swim with both Shane and I. He LOVES the water.
Saturday morning we took off for the zoo. The Niabi Zoo in Coal Valley, Illinois was a little treasure. Lions, tigers, elephants and the most beautiful giraffes! I'd never been so close to a giraffe! They are elegant and beautiful!
My dad went with us and explored with us. He and Wade got a close up look at a bald eagle. They are so regal.
We also went to the John Deere Pavilion in Moline. Wade got to climb on some tractors. We are red tractor folks, but it was an adventure. Also went to the World's Largest Truck Stop on I-80 in Wolcott, Iowa. That was fun too.
On the not so exciting side...I went to see my Uncle in hospice. He has congestive heart failure. He is emaciated. He was a bear of a man at well over 6 foot tall. Now he is shrunken and withering away. He was in advertising for John Deere in his hey day. Industrial Advertising...and I'm sure he was amazing. It's sad to see him fading away. He was very with it when I was there, which made me happy. That will not be my fondest memory of him, but it will be a good one to know he knew who I was and was happy to see me.
I also got to see my 97 year old grandmother. She isn't as spry as she used to be either. It was good to see her and chat a bit too.
We are all happy to be home in our environment!
Choices
Why does it matter so much to me what choices other people make? Their choices, their life.
One person in particular has made me wonder. He chose to have an affair while married. His wife chose to not trust him and that pretty much killed their marriage (yet I fully blame him for the infidelity to begin with). He chose to move out. He chose to file for a divorce. He lost his job which caused more drama. He moved 3 hours away. The judge ordered them to spend their children's college money on their second mortgage and lawyer fees. WTH?
Now he has sold his only transportation to get out from under car payments. Now he is pretty much "borrowing" a vehicle from a friend...and she will never get a dime for it or see any gratitude. He's a louse!
Ok. vent over. Next post will be full of joy!
One person in particular has made me wonder. He chose to have an affair while married. His wife chose to not trust him and that pretty much killed their marriage (yet I fully blame him for the infidelity to begin with). He chose to move out. He chose to file for a divorce. He lost his job which caused more drama. He moved 3 hours away. The judge ordered them to spend their children's college money on their second mortgage and lawyer fees. WTH?
Now he has sold his only transportation to get out from under car payments. Now he is pretty much "borrowing" a vehicle from a friend...and she will never get a dime for it or see any gratitude. He's a louse!
Ok. vent over. Next post will be full of joy!
02 April 2011
Foot splint
When I was in high school, I did some damage to my ankle. Probably a combination of prior years of tumbling and many years of playing soccer. I had surgery on my peroneal tendon (girls--think the one you shave on the outside of your ankle.)
We went to one quack of a doctor in Jacksonville who said it was all in my head. My ankle would swell to the size of a softball. He casted my foot and said it would get better. My dad forced him to take it off when my toes swelled and turned blue/purple.
Then off to the amazing Dr. Daniel Adair. He did the surgery that relieved me of the pain for that time.
Skip to 15 years late. Now I have super flat feet to begin with. Add to that the nerve damage from the surgery and tarsal tunnel AND plantar fasciitis. With all that I have to wear a night splint like the one seen below.
I've had my current splint for about 4 years. I wear it EVERY night, or I get up and walk like I'm 80. So it is a bit worn out. I was dreading making a podiatrist appointment JUST to get a brace. $40 copay, plus the cost of the brace. A day off work because you take an appointment when you can get it.
I decided to google it. LOW AND BEHOLD...AMAZON sold the same on I have. For $24.95 plus shipping. Even with shipping it is cheaper than going to the dr.
I'm anticipating my new brace coming soon. My foot is ready for it!
We went to one quack of a doctor in Jacksonville who said it was all in my head. My ankle would swell to the size of a softball. He casted my foot and said it would get better. My dad forced him to take it off when my toes swelled and turned blue/purple.
Then off to the amazing Dr. Daniel Adair. He did the surgery that relieved me of the pain for that time.
Skip to 15 years late. Now I have super flat feet to begin with. Add to that the nerve damage from the surgery and tarsal tunnel AND plantar fasciitis. With all that I have to wear a night splint like the one seen below.
I've had my current splint for about 4 years. I wear it EVERY night, or I get up and walk like I'm 80. So it is a bit worn out. I was dreading making a podiatrist appointment JUST to get a brace. $40 copay, plus the cost of the brace. A day off work because you take an appointment when you can get it.
I decided to google it. LOW AND BEHOLD...AMAZON sold the same on I have. For $24.95 plus shipping. Even with shipping it is cheaper than going to the dr.
I'm anticipating my new brace coming soon. My foot is ready for it!
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